Getting Back to Me

And it has never felt better.

Yesterday a friend called me after I texted him that we should hangout since it's been awhile.  He asked me how I was doing.  Truthfully, hearing him call made me feel a little better, but in the grand scheme of things...with how things in my life are starting to fall into place and starting to make some sense...I really meant it when I said "[I'm doing] pretty good".

Volunteering at Development is Child's Play (DICP) in Cupertino has been a great beginning to my future.  Every week I go in, I fall a little bit more in love with OT in a child development setting.  When it comes down to it, the OTs I watch teach children the necessary skills to survive independently in the world.  It's an incredible slow and long process, but you do see the fruition of the time and energy spent.  Through discipline and patience, the OT does her (there are only female OTs in this clinic - as I'm sure goes for 99% of other OT settings) best to help the child.  I see how much energy and care it takes the OT to continue speaking in a soft and caring manner even when their patience gets tested (and the child is kicking or hitting or throwing a fit).  It's an immensely honoring experience for me to be able to observe and see these kids improve, and to also see how the OTs deal with difficult children.

Even though Ruby isn't nearly as difficult as these children, I could definitely use some of the tools I've seen to help Ruby learn to read and write.

More importantly, having experience with children reminds me of how much I really want apply to be a volunteer at Camp Erin again.  I remember seeing commercials about the camp several years ago and wanting to participate after my dad had passed away.  The camp is for children going through the loss of a loved one.  I was 12-years-old when my grandma passed away, and that was my first experience with losing someone I held so dearly in my heart.  I still remember how I felt so alone because no other kid my age understood what I was going through.  None of my friends had lost someone so close at an age that they could even remember.  That commercial played a year or so before my dad was diagnosed with cancer, but for some reason I recalled it and wanted to participate.  My reasoning was that maybe I could help children come to terms with their loss while also coming to terms with the loss of my dad.  So I remember rushing from either school or work to north of San Francisco to where the meeting was being held for volunteers for Camp Erin.  I was 1 hour late - due to traffic and getting lost.  I parked my car, went into the building, and fled up the flight of stairs as the last couple people left the conference room.  I told one of the ladies I was late...she happened to be the director of the program.  After talking with her for 30 minutes or so, she determined that I wasn't suited to be a camp counselor because of 1) my lack of experience with children and 2) my clear grief of my father was still fresh as blood - when talking about my dad with her I couldn't stop my tears from showing.  And this was almost a year and a half after his death.  Even today I still cry in remembrance when I see movies where a father has passed...even though it's just a movie, the pain emerges.

Nevertheless, Camp Erin is still on my mind.  I think it'd be such a wonderful, fulfilling, heart-warming, healing, life-changing experience for me.  With my growing experience working with kids, I definitely want to try applying as a counselor with Camp Erin next year!

Anyways...that was such a big divergence from volunteering at DICP.  Going back to that...I see how much love the parents have for their child (with autism, ADHD, and other disorders).  No parent wishes their child to come out with any sort of behavioral issues, but once you do have a child with something...and to love them unconditionally despite the turmoil it has on you financially, emotionally, and mentally...(and let me tell you, it is EXPENSIVE treatment and EXTREMELY hard to raise a child with a more extreme/intense case of autism/ADHD)...is AMAZING.  BEYOND amazing.  It's so inspirational, admirable, worthy of praise...there's no word or phrase for it.  I'm just humbled to be able to see and know that there are so many wonderful moms and human beings out there who are dedicated to helping their or other children become more empowered.

It gives me life and true joy.  I do believe that my life is heading in the right direction, and I am so grateful for the opportunities I have gotten...I wouldn't be as happy as I am now if it weren't for Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS), for DICP, and starting next Monday...Good Samaritan Hospital!!!

Life is looking up :)

P.S.  TODAY I SAW A LITTLE (3.5-yr-old?) BOY COME IN AND HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS PANTS OFF LOLOL.  IT WAS SOOOO CUTE.  I SAW HIS CUTE LITTLE INDIAN BUTT.  and the OT said "Oh noooo, we only take off our pants when we are using the toilet or in the bathroom"  It was so endearing.