I have a massive headache right now. This'll be quick...after a blunder of words, off the computer will be again. Inside I feel hollow, so hollow that I don't know if I am able to express my emotions right now. How so much crap drops like a bomb in less than a week is incredibly beyond antagonizing. And believe me, I KNOW shit happens.
One of the things I wish to say: Mr./Ms. Goldi-duke/Goldilocks please, Please, PLEASE get well soon. You don't know how stressed out I have been the past three days watching you practically lifeless on the bottom of the aquarium. The medication cost 11 times the amount I paid for you, and my dad said to just let you suffer and buy more fish. Nevertheless, I stood up for you and told my dad off. A living being has a right to live, and it is my duty as your caretaker to do all in my power to keep you alive. I'm sorry for neglecting to clean your tank due to my extreme laziness, but now I promise you I will take better care of you. You don't know how many hours I stayed up researching what possible disease you have, and how to cure you. I love you so, SO, much...so PLEASE pull through or I'll die inside. I truly hope the medication helps...
A second message: To my great great aunt...I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you passed away today. It's been 8 years since I last saw you, and you have NO IDEA how many times in the past few years I've BEGGED my mom to let me go to Hong Kong to visit you. She finally booked tickets to Hong Kong this December, but now it's too late. You've lived to be 104 years old, of which two decades or so were spent in a nursery home. I remember visiting you when I was in 4th grade and thinking how frail you were. It frightened to see you so weak, but I was glad at how happy you seemed. My mom said how you were good at remembering people's birthdays, although I'm not so sure you remembered me, let alone my birthday. I really hope there is a heaven so I can see you once again. Rest in Peace.
Another message: To my uncle...I don't know if you came out of the coma yet after the brain surgery a couple weeks ago. I know it's been a couple months since you've been diagnosed with a brain tumor, and again, it's been 8 years since I last saw you. I know we're not close at all due to distance and time, but I vividly remember what you look like and hope to see you in full recovery...all healthy, happy, and worry-free in December. JIA YOU!!!
I know it's not the end of the world for me and things will hopefully turn out for the better. And I know that all families have issues. Right now, however, I feel immense empathy to O'Neal (from the Biggest Loser) and his family. He went to the hospital after falling down on his back on concrete ground due to his knee injury. That was terrifying to watch. To top things off, after coming back with a huge brace on his leg, he found out his oldest brother died from cancer...and he was overly distraught that he did not have a chance to be with him to say goodbye. I LOVE YOU O'NEAL.
Okay, this post was really pointless but I needed to get things out. I know that saying 'No one understands' is stupid because that would mean I believe the world revolves around me. And bad things happen to everyone. I wish I could open up more to people (and perhaps talk about my feelings), because it seems like everyone is so distant. I acknowledge that it's all my fault. I wish there was more time...
"So far away, doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're just time away..."
-So Far Away, Carole King
No comments:
Post a Comment