Near the End of the Road

The sun's still shining in the deep blue sky
But it don't mean nothing to me
Oh, let the rain come down
Let the wind blow through me
I'm living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I've got so little left to lose
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
-Walking on Broken Glass, Annie Lennox

I tell myself that I'm prepared for the death of my fish since he/she is progressively getting worse, but I'm lying. I feel so incredibly helpless and I HATE seeing my fish suffer. I know that every living being eventually has to die, and perhaps that does bring some little form of comfort, but I can't stop thinking about Mr./Ms. Goldi-duke/Goldilocks. I hate being alone with my thoughts. It really is my greatest enemy. Anyway, unless some great miracle occurs my fish will probably die. This may be the last post I type before the time comes, because things really aren't looking promising at all.

This is my last cry of plea: Please, PLEASE, PLEEEEASE, God, wherever you are, I BEG of you to help me and my fish. Let him/her overcome this illness despite the odds. Please...

UPDATE- 5 min after last post

I change my mind. Please let my fish die if it is inevitable in this situation. I can't watch him/her in this state anymore. It's too hard. Either way it's selfish of me. I do want my fish alive and well, but that doesn't seem possible. Right now is all that matters, and he/she is clearly struggling to survive. When goldfish are sick, it's extremely hard for recovery. Again, selfish of me, but the quicker this is all over the faster I'll get over it. Or at least I'm hoping. It's not like this is my first fish to die, but nevertheless, it hurts. I've had goldfish all my life, the longest living about 8 years. Perhaps I shouldn't have any pets anymore or else this whole cycle will continue to go on over and over again.