I am an avoid-er. I don't like having unnecessary pressure, and I don't like responsibility. Considering how fast days, months, and years pass by, it'll be in no time that I'll have to depend on myself for everything. And THAT scares me. It feels like there will come a day when I take a step and sink into quicksand. There won't be any way to prepare me for it, and I'll have to fend for myself. Anyway, this all does wrap up into multiple stories that occurred quite recently. So the Arts & Crafts club I'm in is...needless to say, vanishing. There aren't nearly as many members and the officers will all be transferring by the end of the school year, so they asked me if I wanted to be President and gather 3 other officers needed to sustain the club they had created a couple years ago. Obviously, I'm not the leader type, and I hate responsibility. But how do I say no? It's so hard that when she asked me I replied, "Maybe...", and gave her my contact information anyway. If she weren't so nice it probably would have been easier to say something along the lines of, "NO, SHUT UP, AND DON'T ASK ME AGAIN". So now I'm here, frustrated, sitting...thinking about what to say the next time I see her... What a burden...Thinking can be such a nuisance.

On a different note, it's so discouraging how time seems to drag the ones that meant the most to you and returns them into someone you don't know as well anymore. Or what's even worse...when you never get a chance to speak with them ever again, not because of death, but the distance (whether mentally or physically). So onto a random conversation I had recently with a great buddy I used to chat with every single day years and years ago. Somehow my friend and I got into a conversation about being quiet, introverted, and shy people. We both aren't severely introverted, we just like to keep out of large crowds. He asked me if I would ever wish to be more extroverted, and I said 'no'. There's just no way for as long as I have lived to change who I am. When I was little I had the bad case of shyness. Whenever anyone would talk to me I'd hang on to my mom to answer for me. As years progressed, I have definitely come farther, but I'm still not one to play the role of a leader. In the case of group work or whatever, if I'm comfortable with the people, I can lead. If there are obnoxious or extroverted people in the group, I can't pretend to be one of them. I'm the one sitting quietly and listening - but not exactly willingly following his/her command. I'm not a leader, but I'm not entirely a follower.

Ok...this blog is officially a mess. Everything is everywhere and this all seems like a run on rant. I don't know why I'm writing this useless blog, which sounds kinda emo :/ Which is not at all what I'm feeling. I'm feeling...mellow.

Althoughhhhh...I am extremely excited to be going to Hong Kong this December (RIDING IN BUSINESS FOR THE FIRST TIME OF MY LIFE) to visit my relatives and eat good food and shop all day! I truly hope I'm alive and healthy to see that day. It's already been 8 LOOONG years.