Oh my goodness...where to start?  I think so much and I do write wherever I can (on scraps of paper, in notebooks, etc), so it's hard because I don't keep everything in one place.  I lose a lot of what I write - but in the end I don't think keeping it even matters.  What matters is that my emotions and thoughts are all on paper that it leaves my head (more often than not the thoughts still linger around like an unwanted guest though).

I think what I write here is in hopes that one day someone might read this to better understand who I am and what I believe and stand for.  I wish to share my experiences in written words as I am not good at wearing my heart on my sleeve or opening up.  I sometimes have trouble verbally articulating what it is I want to convey.

As those close to me already know...it is my belief that there is almost nothing more important than people (And I say almost because I believe this world we live in, the universe and the stars, have come long before us and deserve to be taken care of).  This life isn't meant to be lived for ourselves.  It is not only meant to be lived for our significant others, either.  It's not meant to be lived for our own blood family.  I strongly believe that we are here to live as a large community of people who are to nurture, care, help, and love one another through this thing called life.

Some people say I have a big heart, that I'm a good person.  But that's not my purpose.  I don't wish to receive accolades or praise.  All I want is for people to DO something from the bottom of their hearts to make this world a better place.  To spread more joy, peace, and love to others - loved ones and strangers alike.  A little human kindness goes a long way.  Time and time again I experience it when I go through any hardships.

Even though I believe selfishness is the greatest destruction of mankind, I cannot say I am a saint.  I am not without fault. Sure, I like to help people - but when push comes to shove, I am readily willing to help some people more than others.  I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated, but I know I can and should be a lot more patient and loving with my own aunt and mother.

Gonna throw in some lyrics that I hold dear to my heart (all from the group For King & Country):

"Hit rewind, click delete
Stand face to face with the younger me
All of the mistakes
All of the heartbreak
Here's what I'd do differently, I'd

Love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You"

- "Fix My Eyes"

"If I sing but don't have love

I waste my breath with every song
I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don't have love
I leave a bitter taste with every word I say

If I give 
To a needy soul but don't have love then who is poor?
It seems all the poverty is found in me"

- "The Proof of Your Love"  [side note: these verses are also found in 2 Corinthians]

I digress...I simply want to share my experience with my Little Sister, Ruby.  When I actually stop to think about it, it has only been 3 times since I've seen/hung out with Ruby, but I don't know what my life would be like without this little 6-yr-old girl.  I'd probably be a lot more self absorbed and thinking about my "problems".  I absolutely appall myself when I get inside my own head and stay in there for a long period of time.

Nevertheless, I feel so lucky to have been paired up by Big Brother Big Sister (BBBS) with this sweet girl - although I foresee things changing a little as she gets a lot more used to me.  I love how she listens to me, that she respects me, and trusts me.  I wonder if she can tell how much I care for her.  Funny thing is...I fell in love with her before I even met her.  She had my heart from the moment I heard just a little snippet about her.  I don't know what it was, and to be honest...I had my doubts of being a mentor to a child.  Mind you, I NEVER had any experience with a kid before.  Was always afraid of the rowdy ones.  lol...but I've always had a strong affinity for people - no matter how young or how old.  I think it was due to my upbringing and experiences when I was young - I've got to give all the credit to Pastor Norma, my grandmother, and my aunt for raising me as a child and instilling in me values that I still uphold and will continue to until the day I die.

So the first outing with Ruby was at a park in East? Palo Alto.  There we drank our Jamba Juices together at a mini table for kids (as she insisted), and for a second I felt like I was chilling with an adult friend.  It just amazed me how observant and mature she could be most times (probably because this was our 1st real hangout).  But then we made pancakes and Olaf out of sand that I was brought quickly back to reality.  I enjoyed swinging with her and going on a seesaw with her and seeing her face light up and giggle so much.  I was glad I could teach her about spiders and how they catch insects in their web to feast on.  2 hours flew by, but it made my day.  Being with her was like time slowing down.  I forgot my worries and felt so relaxed.  I was reminded that life is simple.

Anywho, pictures!  Below was the 2nd outing with me and Ruby.  We went to another park - a different, bigger, cooler, one - Magical Bridge Playground - which was PRETTY FRIGGIN AWESOME.  I do have pictures of the park, but Yelp/Google has better quality ones.

Here is Ruby opening up the Kinder Surprise I got her from Montreal, Canada.  It's illegal to sell here in the U.S., but Ruby knew about these little candy surprise eggs (they actually have it at a market her family frequents).  She ate the chocolate so fast that it filled her chubby cheeks.  I always have such an urge to pinch her cheeks!!!  Oh, the temptation...always so hard to resist...

Here is Ruby collecting sand for us to make another "Olaf" - really, just a snowman.  The boy behind her in this photo was just SO.DAMN.ADORABLE.  He overheard Ruby saying we needed rocks, so he helped collect a few for us.  Then he heard us say we needed a stick, so he got us a stick for the snowman's smile.  Then he heard Ruby say we need to make a hat for the snowman, so the boy got us a leaf and a stick to make the hat!!!  (Finished pic below)

So the conversation when I first met him went like this:

Me:  How old are you?

Him: 6, but my mom says I look 8.

Me (actually laughing out loud):  What's your name?

Him: Adrian

Me (a little worried after scanning the park and not seeing parents):  Adrian, where's your mom?  

Him:  *points* Over there by the balloons.

And as me and Ruby are talking, he hears her say stuff like "the inside of this stick is pink!"  Adrian goes on saying that krill eat plankton and they turn pink when they molt.  And then randomly goes on telling me that there's a poisonous octopus that can kill up to 26 humans with its venom.  While he says all this I ask him "Do you like school?"  And sure enough, he does!  Made me sooooo happy to hear it and hear all the stuff he's learned (I did fact check with my friend, Google).  Sorry - it's hard to trust a 6 year old sometimes.  

By the way, Adrian also has chubby cheeks.  O.M.G...soooo wanted to pinch and squeeze his cheeks too.  Lol...I clearly have a problem.

On the way back as I was driving Ruby home, I heard her humming and singing softly to herself while looking out the car window.  It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.  I just listened to her little angelic voice, knowing if I disturbed her she would stop.  But after a minute or so, I turned to Ruby and asked her what song she was singing.  As I had already suspected, she just gave me a wide, shy grin, shook her head, and stopped singing.    

Something about this girl...she's not my blood sister, but she might as well be.

Side note:  I am worried about Ruby - I hope she learns to love reading and writing.  I pray she becomes curious and wants to learn about things.